Grief and why March is a difficult month for me – Brain Tumour Awareness Month

Me and My Dad

The month of March is Brain Tumour Awareness Month.  I’ve never shared this story before but March is also the month that I lost my lovely Dad to a brain tumour in 2005.  The exact year that I graduated from my homeopathic studies.

I can’t remember the exact date my beautiful Dad died as I choose not to remember death dates.  I celebrate life and birth dates, but it seems ironic that March is Brain Tumour Awareness Month.

I do however remember how I felt when he was first diagnosed with what they thought was a brain tumour.    I was at work and my brother called to tell me they thought he had a brain tumour.  I rushed to the toilet where I cried my eyes out.  How could this be happening, he was fit and healthy, he was full of life, he was only 65.  He still had so much more to give and to teach me.  To say I was devastated was an understatement.

I immediately called him, but he just laughed and told me not to worry and said he wasn’t going to die.  He was strong and a little bit of a joker.  I wanted to drive to see him immediately.  He lived in Oxford.  It was a Friday afternoon and he told me the roads would be very busy and he didn’t want me to drive there especially as I was so upset.  I was more than upset I was distraught.

I can be quite determined and bossy, I needed to know answers, were they sure?  No, just suspected and they wouldn’t know until he had a further appointment with a neurologist and a scan.  When would that be?  What were his symptoms?  How long had he been feeling that way?  And why hadn’t he done something sooner?  I’ve since realised that men seem to bury their symptoms until they can no longer ignore them.  He’d been having headaches for quite a few months.

I joined him and his wife for his consultation with the specialist who confirmed it was a brain tumour and he would need surgery and they would take a biopsy.  I started to ask questions, lots of them and I could feel my Dad looking at me wondering how I knew all the right things to ask.

A few days later, he had brain surgery and a biopsy was taken.  When I drove to see him after his surgery it was the most upsetting thing to see.  My beautiful, witty and lively Dad lying there with a swollen head, and a tube coming from the wound to drain it.  A few days later our worst suspicions were confirmed as the results of the biopsy confirmed it was a Stage IV tumour.  He didn’t have long.  He died 8 months later in March 2005.

I don’t know how I got through my final year of my studies but I was determined to do it for him.  He was so proud of me.  He had radiation treatment and I sent him to a homeopath nearer to him.  I wasn’t qualified and I was too close to the case.   He went through radiation  with no side effects.  He was the one person who had encouraged me to see a homeopath when I had depression a few years earlier so he was more than happy to have homeopathy to help him through the difficult months ahead.

In 2020 so many people have lost loved ones and I’m often asked about grief and how to get through it.  All I can say is there is no time limit, take each day at a time, cry when you need to, get angry, reminisce, do whatever helps you, one day you might feel perfectly fine and then the next you might feel like you’ve been hit by a train.  All these feelings will pass and you will get through it and the wonderful happy memories will remain and the sadness will gradually fade.    There is no right or wrong way to get through it.  Do what is right for you and most importantly be kind to yourself.

I am a very spiritual person and whilst my Dad is no longer with me physically I feel his presence around me all the time.  I hear his encouraging words, guidance and advice but sometimes just sometimes I wish I could have a proper chat with him.

Homeopathy definitely helped me get through and I was so grateful that I had a homeopath. I have always seen a professional homeopath especially as some things I’m unable to treat myself.

If you have experienced something similar or are grieving and are struggling please feel free to book a free 20 minute call with me.